


In Case of Emergency

by BooksBabiesAndCats



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 11:09:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20527028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BooksBabiesAndCats/pseuds/BooksBabiesAndCats
Summary: A brief, humorous take on safety guidelines at Hogwarts and how the presence of one Harry Potter affects them.





	In Case of Emergency

~1991~

Percy Weasley surveyed the Common Room solemnly. He cleared his throat. Nobody listened. He cleared his throat again. Still nobody listened. "Alright, pay atten-" still nobody was listening. "Can I have your attention please!" He was more insistent.

Still the Gryffindors ignored him.

Putting on his best Molly Weasley voice, he shouted, "Gryffindors, one of your Fifth Year Prefects is TALKING TO YOU!"

Silence fell. Percy felt briefly triumphant.

"Oh, is Percy a prefect?" Fred said.

George looked indignant. "You should have said!"

He resisted the urge to pull out his hair. "The procedures for in case of various emergencies are as follows: in case of a volatile potions accident, the class will be evacuated in orderly lines by the nearest staircase, or take shelter in one of the empty classrooms marked with a Hogwarts crest on the doorframe."

Seeing that only one person was still listening, a bushy haired First Year frantically taking notes, he suddenly wished he'd accepted the Hat's offer to put him in a more organised, risk-averse House.

"In case of an unforseen hazard in the hallways, any Prefect or teacher may be informed, and you are to redirect traffic away from the hazard until relieved of your post. If a dangerous book gets free from the library, or a creature from the Forest enters castle grounds, flee in the direction of the nearest classroom and barricade the door. Do not attempt to engage it.

"If the Fat Lady is not at her post to receive the password, request the assistance of the Witches in the next frame over. The Maiden will search for her, the Crone will inform the nearest teacher or Prefect, and the Mother will stay with you."

He frowned, trying to remember the last two facts. "Oh yes, and if a Howler explodes in the Great Hall, douse yourselves in water or have an older student cast the charm on you, and report to Madam Pomfrey. There will be random drills for these procedures throughout the first month."

~1996~

The new prefect flinched as he unrolled the long scroll of emergency procedures. "This year's emergency procedures have been divided into three categories - academic, environmental, and Harry Potter. Could the members of Dumbledore's Army please raise their hands? Thank you."

Harry blinked. These emergency procedures were starting to sound a lot more personal than in first year.

"In case of a volatile potions accident, the class will be evacuated in orderly lines by the nearest staircase, or take shelter in one of the empty classrooms marked with a Hogwarts crest on the doorframe. In case of a teacher attempting to use a Memory Charm, Blood Quill, or other non-permitted item with you, flee the room, and inform Professor McGonagall, or one of us.

"In case of random duelling in the hallway, the basic Shield charm is Protego, and anyone from Dumbledore's Army should be able to teach it to you. In case of dangerous books, creatures, prank goods, or fire in the hallways, flee the vicinity unless acquainted with the correct charms to subdue the threat, giving warning to those you pass, and notify a teacher or Prefect. 

"In case of unexpected You-Know-Who or Death Eater encounters, flee and warn all you pass. Do not engage. Find a teacher and/or any member of Dumbledore's Army, then take refuge in the common room. In case of-"

"For Merlin's sake. Basically this place is wild; deal with it if you can, if you can't, just flee and tell someone," Ginny Weasley said, shrugging. "We do drills on these things, so be prepared. Classrooms with Hogwarts crests above the door are warded. Don't provoke Peeves, and apply at Professor McGonagall for the Abridged Basic Safety Spells book we've assembled for most problems you'll face here."

**Author's Note:**

> I've been out of the game for a while. Concrit welcome.


End file.
